Socialization and the New Kids on the Block

Socialization is known as the “S” word to us homeschoolers and is generally one of the first questions or comments out of the mouths of those who disapprove or are ignorant of homeschooling. One of the pros many homeschoolers have on their list is the ability to have more control over who befriends their children. Not that other parents don’t have the same control; they do have it and should use it. But it’s more difficult to prohibit or hinder problem-friendships from evolving if your children are hanging out with kids you may not approve of five days a week.

Among many Evangelical public-schoolers (PSers) and homeschoolers, the debate isn’t so much about socialization as it is about “salt and light”. Christian PSers often make the argument that they want their children to be good influences on the more worldly kids at school. It’s been viewed by some Christian homeschoolers as an excuse to justify not wanting to homeschool or pay money for private school (although I don’t share this view so much as my own opinion has moderated a bit over the past year). We just figured that we didn’t really have to worry about the “salt and light” issue as much with our kids right now since we’re keeping them at home.

Turns out, God wants us to deal with it right now anyway.

On Labor Day we had a knock on our door. Brewmaster opened it and there stood a six-year-old boy and he said, “Do any kids live here?”

Jeffrey is new to the neighborhood and was walking door-to-door looking for playmates...alone. He wanted Sammy to come play at his house, to which I explained I can’t let him come by himself and that I’d like to meet his mom and dad first. So I gave him our pertinent information and told him to have his mom call us.

The next day, Jeffrey came knocking again wondering if he could play with Sammy in our backyard. I asked if he gave his mom our number and told him I’d really like to meet her and talk to her, to which he replied she tried calling in the middle of the night but we didn’t answer. Not believing his story and beginning to worry even more about him than the day before, I told him we’d love to come out and play with him. Not long after, his eight-year-old sister and three-year-old brother started coming along, always wandering the streets unsupervised (they live about two blocks away).

This has been going on since that first day Jeffrey showed up, and I can only think of one or two days when he hasn’t knocked on our door. I was finally able to walk over to their home and meet his mother after a week or so, and it only led to more worry. Our friend and neighbor next door, the pastor, has also gotten to know our new friends better and sees some warning signs…things that led him to say we shouldn’t leave our kids alone in a room with Jeffrey.

So, in the upcoming posts, we’re going to dive into this a little deeper and hopefully answer some questions we have (with your help, I hope), including:

1. How do we minister to these kids while still guarding our young ones?
2. How much should we tell our kids (mainly Sam) about what we learn regarding this new family?
3. What kind of boundaries are appropriate when we open up our “yard” (they haven’t been in our home yet, and we think that should be the case for now) to our new friends?
4. What about legal issues: what if someone gets hurt while playing here and their parents may or may not know where they are? Should we be concerned about getting sued, or, worse yet, arrested?
5. How do we go about attempting to minister to their parents?
6. How far should we go to try to get information that would give us a better understanding of what their home-life is like?

This is very foreign territory for us. It will probably take me several posts to get through my thoughts and concerns on this. God is putting us in a position that is not only unfamiliar to us, but very uncomfortable as well. Although my first thoughts are that I am utterly ill-prepared and completely unequipped to handle such a situation in a gracious manner and with a redemptive spirit, I feel the peace knowing that our sovereign God is in control of the matter and will lead us through this…and hopefully some help and good advice from you readers is part of His plan!